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Posts Tagged ‘life’

Dreaming of living

A number of years ago, if you said to me that i would own and run my own company, i would have stopped listening and carried on doing whatever it was that I was doing. This is because of one simple fact: I did not know how to dream.

Wait, wait. We all know how to dream. We all drwam or have in the past, about a big house with matching car and the whole family happier than ever. This “dream” is not real. It happens so rarely that i would say it never does. 

The dream I am talking about is a real dream. Ie: if certain actions by an ordinary person are performed, it will happen. These dreams may not be lavish or what you would expect them to be though. For some people, these dreams may take years to achieve but to others it happe s every day. Dreams are about you and are relative to your situation.

There are also no time limits on dreams. They can be short term or long term. In fact, it’s good practice to have short terms dreams that up that long term picture. An example could be of someone who has been seriously ill eg: with cancer who wants to run a 10km race. Short term the dream would be to be healthy enough to go home from hospital. Next, it would be clearance from doctors to start exercising. You know where i am going here. For others, be healthy  is a given each day.

The best dream is one that allows you to love life and everything it your life. This isthe dream that enables you to live. This may be simple or complex but the end result is the same. This may be scary and many may mot take that first step. This dream is worth every scary moment.

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​There is only one investment that is guaranteed to make a gain in life. That is the investment in family. There are a lot of people to invest in but there are mainly 3 of these people that exist being yourself, your partner and your kids. You could write a whole book on yourself and your partner and this subject is beyond the scope of this book. The focus here is investing in your kids. Not one person has ever looked back over their life and said, “I wish I had worked harder”. If they do say that, then they are just not great people to be around.

You can invest for them such as saving for their education or their long term future. This is fantastic and I would really encourage this because it really does show you care about their well being later in life, perhaps after have passed away. Unfortunately, this is a perfect scenario that cannot always be carried out in the situation you or your family are in.

There are 2 options to make sure they are looked after.

1. Make sure your will is up to date. I am no expert in this and I would suggest a lawyer or attorney for this advice but making sure your will is in order, tells people that you have thought about your death ahead of time. This may sound backward but it will save them a huge amount of time, money and hassle subsequent to your passing.

2. Make memories.

Make the kind of memories that will stay with them forever. Perhaps you will learn a few things too! This type of memory does not have to be long, fancy overseas trips or extravagant gifts. Yes, those are nice but in 40 years time, will they be able to remember what present they got for their 4th birthday?

The type of memories i am talking about here is the kind of memory that they will tell their kids and grandkids and they will passed on through the generations. an example is that they will always remember talking to family and friends around the kitchen table. My kids are already got memories that will stay with them. They know that Daddy goes cycling and they go and watch me. My daughter even asks if I am going with granddad because I ride with my dad so often. These are small things when you single them out but they will last forever.

The investment in family is the only investment that will not fail or depreciate and in fact, it will only grow. It will even continue to grow after you pass away.

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Up!

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Anger

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Colonoscopy Journal

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.

A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a colour diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.
Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.
I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn’t really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, ‘HE’S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!’

I left Andy’s office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called ‘MoviPrep,’ which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America ‘s enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.

Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn’t eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-litre plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a litre is about 32 gallons!!). Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes – and here I am being kind – like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humour, state that after you drink it, ‘a loose, watery bowel movement may result.’
This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don’t want to be too graphic, here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another litre of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.

The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, ‘What if I spurt on Andy?’ How do you apologise to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn’t thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anaesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point.

Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anaesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.
There was music playing in the room, and I realised that the song was ‘Dancing Queen’ by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, ‘Dancing Queen’ had to be the least appropriate.

‘You want me to turn it up?’ said Andy, from somewhere behind me.
‘Ha ha,’ I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling ‘Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,’ and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that it was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colours. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

On the subject of Colonoscopies…
Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous….. A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. ‘Take it easy, Doc. You’re boldly going where no man has gone before!’

2. ‘Find Amelia Earhart yet?’

3. ‘Can you hear me NOW?’

4. ‘Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?’

5. ‘You know, in Arkansas , we’re now legally married.’

6. ‘Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?’

7. ‘You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out…’

8. ‘Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!’

9. ‘If your hand doesn’t fit, you must quit!’

10. ‘Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.’

11. ‘You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?’

12. ‘God, now I know why I am not gay.’

And the best one of all:

13. ‘Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?’

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humour columnist for the Miami Herald.

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Minds

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